I’m not sure why we need both*.

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day seems natural.  You thank your mother for doing such an outstanding job in guiding you towards the great person that you have become and you tell that you appreciate the efforts and sacrifices made to allow you to be that great person…to allow you to be…well, as my t-shirt says:

To be fair, before I get accused of being arrogant, I also have a t-shirt that says:

But my dress is irrelevant!

Mother’s seem to appreciate the gesture.  I suppose it makes the years of sacrifice worthwhile to hear the words.  Mother’s Day just makes sense.

Father’s Day

Father’s Day seems contrived.  You thank your father for doing such an outstanding job in guiding you towards the great person that you have become and you tell that you appreciate the efforts and sacrifices made to allow you to be that great person.  Fathers seem to get embarrassed like you’ve just accused them of actually loving you – or that you are tricking them into believing that you love them.  It’s not just my dad -  I think it’s all dads.   Maybe it’s different for daughters?  I don’t have sisters so it’s hard to say.

In most households where the kids grew up in the 70′s and 80′s there was definitely a different dynamic – the man was more often the bread earner and the mother the caretaker of the home and children.  It wasn’t fair, according to the new world order, and we’re more aware now of the fact that you can’t define a man by his monetary achievements to the house.  The reality is that that’s a lot about how it worked.  We are a product of our time as much as we are a product of our genes so maybe it’s just that most of us were caught in the wrong historical moment to share our feelings properly.  Maybe it was always enough to just know that we cared about each other.

I’m not suggesting that the working-as-a-show-of-commitment-and-love is the only way that affection is shared, far from it, but it’s definitely an aspect.  I’m sure my Dad would have liked to have played beach cricket far more than he did.  He would have loved to play week-day golf far more than he could.    Earning money gets in the way of fun a lot and that sacrifice of time and energy is a part of being a responsible parent.   It’s not like I grewup in that time where Robert Hayden described his father in “Those Winter Sundays”.

My conclusion in thinking about the man-son relationships is simple and neat: men are stupid.

For whatever reason, men just don’t share important things correctly.  You hug (briefly) we dress up friendships with stupid terms (bromance) and fail to really share anything too deep in case it gets misinterpreted as being a meaningful emotional connection.  The gay bromance overtones we’re supposed to laugh at in comedy is truly irksome to me but it’s presented as a normal reaction on TV and in movies constantly – men hug and pull apart so not to appear gay?  Are we kidding?  Love of a brother of a friend is not the love of a lover.   It’s offensive to the idea of friendships and more offensive to gay men that we should somehow be offended by showing affection.   This illogical cultural view is part of the underlying issue with father son relationships.  It’s just not manly enough to feel warmth.

We are man.  We make fire when cold. Ug ug ug.  Women are weak.  They huddle for warmth and cry.  Stupid. Ug ug.

What are we collectively proving?  That we’re total bone-heads?  Yes. I think that about sums it up.

This disconnect is probably a hang over from some caveman culture or deep-seated competitive fight for survival; however, we managed to appreciate the cultural refinements of a knife and fork so shouldn’t we accept and appreciate the cultural refinements of having guy friends?

If we acknowledge that men have emotions, have feelings and can care about each other we wouldn’t need to try avoid Father’s day !

I’m not ashamed to say that I love my Dad.  I’m not ashamed to say that his personality has had a profound affect on me.  I don’t often visit,  I don’t often call,  I don’t often talk to my dad but in ways I think that the relationship is a mature one.  The truth is that I actually like my dad.  I could actually imagine talking to my dad even if we were unrelated and I think that says an awful lot more than some card on a hallmark holiday (which is why he doesn’t get a card).  I can even imagine going to the pub and drinking a beer with my dad because I wanted to.  I think that says more than anything.  My wife likes my dad.  Maybe he’s just a cool guy?  Nah.  That’s stretching it!  My dad is my dad.  He it the most influential male figure in my life and as I like to think I ended up ok, he gets to take credit for a lot of that.

I’m not really sure what my point is in making this post.  Nothing I say is going to change how I feel about him or how he feels about me.   Perhaps this is the blog equivalent of that quick hug, that small handshake…

I hope not.

I like to think this post is the blog equivalent of a big hug, a big thanks for being there.  I’m not embarrassed and there’s no shame in loving your dad – even if he is a lousy Spurs fan.  So anyway, Dad, even though I don’t like the fact that people read my blog posts when they are serious and not silly but this blog post is dedicated to you and everything you have provided…..at the end of it all?  I know you did everything you could for me, J and B and that’s all that matters.

Respect. Love.  Happy Father’s Day.

Everything in this post holds true for my brothers too – they just don’t get a day where you get pressed to say something.

Your Son,

J.

*I have what I feel is a good relationship with my parents and this is something that I certainly do take for granted.  It’s easy to forget that there are plenty of children, and grown children/adults that have had to live with a single parent, no parents,  or even abusive parents.   Having two parents who care about you and want the best for you is definitely a blessing.

One of the people that I have met on my travels came to mind recently – he owns the site PetInsurance.TV.  Despite the valuable key-word heavy domain, he’s not a big shot Internet millionaire, he’s not even an insurance company representative.  He’s a normal guy who has come to value everything that pet insurance can do.  This gentleman – we’ll call him “Bob” – is from England and has set up PetInsurance.TV as a personal site offering information and some articles about pets and, of course, insurance.   Bob is not in it for the money: he’s just a man that loves animals – especially his lab – and believes in the insurance policy he has.   If you do choose to buy insurance I’m sure he’d love you to click on one of his links though to help fund his yearly renewals and hosting costs.

I will point out that:

I’m not here to sell you on the idea of insuring your pet – it can be expensive.
I’m not here to sell you on the ideas of having a pet – it is MORE expensive.
I’m here to tell you a story.
I’m here to make you think about insurance.

This is DJ

DJ - The Best Male Scottish Terrier the World Has Known

This is Dandy

Dandy - The Craziest Female Scottish Terrier the World Has Ever Known

Those are two adorable pictures of Scottish Terriers.  They are NOT Schnauzers.  They are NOT West Highland Terriers.  They would be offended to be seen as anything less than the terrier that embodies the spirit of Scotland!

They are our two dogs and I love them dearly.   They say that dogs are a man’s best friend.  Well, in this case, they really are our best friends.

About the Scottish Terrier

Anyone who tries to summarize the personality of a Scottish Terrier in a few words (stubborn, smart, not lap dogs, stoic) should meet these two.  Their personalities are as different as their colors – as different as night and day, or more accurately, brindle and wheaten.   I have been told that DJ is my dog personality!  He’s stubborn, smart, not a lap dog, can be calm but will occasionally let out a “pissed off growl”. Dandy is different! She’s excitable, a goofball, lap dog, and a bundle of energy who loves attention.  If you call Dandy? Dandy runs over and DJ waits patiently for his turn for attention. .  If you call DJ? Dandy runs over and DJ waits patiently for his turn for attention!

Luckily the two of them like each other and both enjoy just hanging out.

If you are interested to know more about Scottish Terriers you can find information at Scottish Terrier Club of America and Scottish Terrier Club of Tampa Bay.  Scotties are great dogs and each one has different personality so don’t listen to anyone who tries to readily categorize them all into one simple definition.  There are distinct features that are common to the breed but each member of the breed is different and unique.  It seems to be a common trait that Scotties are very owner attached and protective, love mostly from afar, and are extremely reactive and responsive to their treatment.   Be positive!  They aren’t for those who want to be showered with affection or have a dog that does everything that’s asked unquestioningly; that is not to say that they can’t be affectionate and do as they are told.

After visiting PetInsurance.TV, I started thinking about whether or not it would be a decent investment to have insurance.  I have thought about it numerous times before – the price was always prohibitively expensive for the benefits offered.  The plans all started at over $40 a month (for one dog) and the list of exclusions was always far higher than the actual benefits.   It does appear that times are changing.  Part of me wonders if the sea change in property and human insurance have made the pet market a more desirable space for companies to play in but the prices have been decreasing and the number of exclusions has been steadily declining.

The Back Yard

A couple of weeks ago I let DJ and Dandy out in the back yard.

DJ was his usual self.  He carries a hefty load for a Scottie (he’s not overweight, just big) and every step he takes sends lizards scurrying in all directions as if he were the epicenter of a giant earthquake.   He raises his tail, he lifts his front paws like a bucking stallion and then swan dives with the grace of a belly-flopping elephant crashing into the grass plants in the hopes of finding the laziest (or bravest) lizard that ever was.  It’s fun to watch – he can do it for hours catching nothing and achieving only the destruction of some vegetative habitat.

Then we have Dandy.  As mentioned, she’s the anti-DJ and you have to watch her like a hawk.  She follows DJ, the dog-zilla of the yard, and as the small lizards dash and dive for cover she will spot the weak and take off and like lightning be on their tail.  Literally.   Sometimes she does miss but then sometimes she destroys a small reptilian families day – tailless, dizzy, and maimed a barely conscious creature will lie waiting for the nearest bird to put it out of its misery.   It is true that a lizard tail continues to move after being detached!

About a month or so ago, during what seemed like the fairly healthy activity of lizard chasing in the garden (to the animal lovers reading – I don’t encourage violence towards fellow creatures but I am powerless to stop the primal urge of dogs) I noticed Dandy was chewing something.  I quickly grabbed her and removed the offending crunchy item and discarded it.  I let her go and everything was normal – she ran over to the rocks, tail wagging, looking for the next prey.  She jumped into the tree as a lizard climbed frantically out of reach.   It was then that I noticed she was limping as she walked towards me.  “Great,” I though, “she stepped in something”.  No doubt it’s more grass seed, sticky plant pods, sand spurs, or some other similar annoyance of nature that I will have to coax out of her fur on an almost daily basis.  I picked her up and took a look.  Nothing.

I put her back and expected her to run over to the army of lizards that DJ had dispersed with his thunderous steps….. but she just looked at me.

She took a couple of steps and looked awkward.  Maybe I missed something?

I picked her up again. Nothing.

Then everything changed.

Her heart was beating at a million miles per hour.  Her eyes looked distressed.   She was looking at me and she was telling me that something was wrong.  He legs stiffened.  She gagged.  She fought me holding her – a normal reaction to being picked up when she wasn’t ready – but her eyes weren’t fighting me, her eyes were asking for help.  I put her down and she couldn’t walk.  She coughed. She hacked. She took half a step.  She was shaking.

At this point I panicked.  I called my wife at work – less than calm.  Not helpful to her – it succeeded in only creating two panicked people!   Time to go to the Emergency Room.   I didn’t want to lose Dandy and I had no idea what was going on.  I knew what she chewed wasn’t a toad but I didn’t know what it was.  Maybe that did it?  Maybe it was a dead animal?  Maybe it was a rat? Maybe that rat had eaten poison?  Maybe it was amdro? Who knows what she got into….

I collected DJ and took him inside and went back to get Dandy – she was shaking, lollygagging and the look she had was one I’ve never seen in her.

She was scared…and..So was I.

This little brave dog that runs with reckless abandon than turns away from nothing? This dog was scared?  She was helpless.   I threw her into her crate, put her in my car and drove to the emergency room.  She scrapped and fought and flipped her crate in the back.  She was not doing well*

Five minutes later I get to the Victoria Park Animal Hospital and she was fine.  She walked without pain, moved without issue.  I sat down in the waiting room and discussed with the staff would I should do.

“Just keep an eye on her and make sure nothing happens.”

The technicians, sensing my panic, ask if they need to call the Dr who is out of the office.  They suggest it might be worth a check-up.

They get Dandy a bowl of water.  She drinks a little.  She’s recovered!  The overwhelming sense of panic subsides and I take her outside.   On a six-foot lead and just a few minutes after recovering from a fit she spots a lizard… dive-bomb!   She’s back to normal!

I go back to the vet and tell them that I think she’s ok but that I would like to sit there for a few minutes to get myself back to a normal calm state.   Dandy walks over to me….. then she starts swaying her head side to side…. she falls over on the floor and starts to have minor convulsions again: neurological symptoms.  It could be a toxin. Back to being scared.  I stroke her to try and let her know we’re here and that everything will be ok.

“Yes, I’ll sign,”  I put ink to paper on whatever they have put in front of me to initiate tests.

“Blood work?” Sure.

Doctor Birken of the Victoria Park Animal Hospital abandoned an eye appointment and returned to treat Dandy – we weren’t even regular patients! I thought Animal Hospital was an emergency room!  Fortunately, it was a great Veterinarian office: I was really impressed with the staff and the Doctor who, it was clear, put the well being of the spitfire personality of Dandy before her own eyes!

The technicians started the blood work while the Dr was returning from her aborted appointment.

Nothing too unusual.  She’s dehydrated.

Great! Had I really just opened up a check book for the most expensive dehydration diagnosis ever?

No, I don’t think so.  Just luck that the level of toxicity was low.  Dandy had very red gums that were slightly swollen – a sign of some toxic effect – but a ten minute mouthwash, some IV fluids with electrolytes and some TLC were all that seemed to be required.  We were lucky.

Ten minutes later she came out of the back offices and looked none the worse for wear.  Then she collapsed from four legs to flat on the ground legs splayed like she was being quartered.   The Dr and tech looked at me nervously….

“No,” I said, “that’s always how she rests”.

An amusing end to a stressful afternoon!

As I was paying the hefty bill I thought about Bob and his PetInsurance.TV site and I asked if this would have been covered by pet insurance.

“Probably all of it”.

So there you have it.   Pet insurance can save you significant emergency expenses for the price of a fixed monthly payment.  It’s worth considering.

To be fair to the Animal Hospital, the bill was extremely reasonable for an emergency vet visit and treatment – especially with a canceled appointment – just hefty in terms of unexpected emergency fund cost.

Overall, I’m lucky enough to have two healthy, happy dogs and have yet to find a plan that meets a cost-benefit ratio that I think makes insurance worthwhile but I’ll probably continue to look as the prices carry on decreasing and the benefits keep on being added.   I’m going to check again because my dogs have teeth that are almost impossible to clean properly and a dental visit for dogs is not cheap.

Pet Insurance might not be the answer all the time but I think it’s worth asking the question?  Why not visit PetInsurance.TV and see what “Bob” has to say?

If you’re looking for a vet in the Fort Lauderdale area? I would certainly recommend the Victoria Park Animal Hospital – in addition to the normal vet features they actually have implemented a nice pet portal which lets you keep track of your pet’s treatment.  The  staff were very helpful and considerate and they even did an e-mail follow up to make sure Dandy had improved.

At the time of writing, both Dandy and DJ are doing fine !  Sleeping near me, probably dreaming of rainbows and carrots.

*Always travel with your pets in a crate.  It is safer for them and it is safer for you.  An emergency stop can kill an uncrated animal.

**Always keep an eye on your dogs when outside.  This happened DESPITE me keeping an eye on them.

***This post may be freely copied/quoted by PetInsurance.tv or the AnimalHospitalVictoriaPark.com

We are just two people but the accumulation of stuff was staggering. Stuff from years of seminars (please, no more mugs),  from many Christmases (please,  no more bowls or salsa servers), and from many free gifts from doctors and parties (please, no MORE MUGS!).  It’s not that gifts aren’t appreciated – it’s just that it really is the thought that counts.

If you are young enough to have not yet amassed tonnes of what starts as something you believed had value but ends up being worthless, let me give you some lessons that may save you lots of money, lots of time, and ultimately your sanity.   Here’s the reality: you can’t live your entire life in the same place you started it.  Even if you absolutely wanted to, today’s houses just aren’t going to last 50 years: between Chinese drywall, unlicensed construction, poor building codes and management, your house will just not last.  And to the boomerang children?  Your boomer parents will eventually want you to move out.  Coming back after college was temporary because if you don’t work then who on  earth pays their pension and senior health benefits?

Anyway – here are the theories and things you need to know.

1. The Container Dark Matter Theory
   Containers are just that.  Containers.   But they also have a little dirty secret!  Yes.  Not only are they BIGGER than the BIGGEST thing that they will ever contain, they are also mostly empty.  They are like an expanding universe.   Before you know it, most of your space is absorbed by containers!  Cake containers, cookie containers, bag containers and worst of all, the dreaded container containers!
2. Mugs Are Gremlins
   If you use a mug after midnight and  it gets wet you will wake up the next morning finding many more mugs.   You may even end up, like us, with a mug from an optometrist! Wouldn’t a set of glasses have made more sense?  (Now that’s a joke you can tell your friends.)
   But here’s the real question: how many mugs do two people own?  2? 4? 6? 8? 10?  Well if you answered 6 then that was a good guess….. if you were only counting ones with a Christmas motif… and are happy being  two short.
3. Food Hides
   So.  You buy bulk.  You buy a nice balsamic vinegar because it’s worth it and will make so many great meals – good idea!  Guess what.  You used it three times and forgot that it was there hiding behind the Ponzu and Soy.  Guess what!  It goes bad! Yes, Vinegar goes… more vinegary.   You will also find a tin of tomatoes that expired 5 years ago behind a newer tin of tomatoes – even though you’ve been buying fresh tins each week.  Your best efforts to stack them back to front were stymied when you were putting shopping away at 10 pm because of a late night at the office and you had to cook, walk the dog, wash up, eat, get ready for the next day….. Food takes advantage of the poor planners. The best hiders also have a tendency to play games – that sticky stuff you could never identify the source of?  That was heavy syrup from out-of-date peaches.  Yes, the syrup ate a hole in the can, escaped down the inside of the paper lining and carefully meandered its way to the front of the pantry making sure everything got just an essence of goop.. and all the while standing innocently at the back of the cupboard looking totally fresh.
4. Guest Ware
   What is guest ware?  Guest ware is that mysterious collection of showcase items.  It’s is porcelain with beautiful hand painted scenes, it’s those lead crystal glasses (that used to be hand cut in Ireland but now are factory made in China).  It’s the nice stuff that you don’t use because who wants to wash up after people with the risk of breakage?  Dixie makes paper and plastic plates to avoid this type of unnecessary risk !
5. Every house has a cupboard where it is always a holiday!
   Open the cupboard in April and you find glass Easter bunnies (no candy because that was eaten) hidden behind the Christmas ornaments, the Thanksgiving ornaments and the Labor Day ornaments.  Of course they are in their in reverse chronological order meaning that the objects you do break out this year are usually the farthest back in the depths of the cupboard.
6. Liberating
   Throwing out a few truck loads of goods is not liberating.  Giving away things to friends and charities is not liberating.  You know what IS liberating?  Getting rid of a Franco, removing Saddam Hussein AND leaving, and electrolysis.  I’m sure that there are many more liberating things but I can assure you that throwing stuff out (unless the stuff is a dictator or something with energy) is not.
7. Chromatography Carpet
   It’s not worth keeping your carpet clean.  Even if your dogs didn’t poop, pee, and throw up right in the middle of it, the truth is that the slightest use adds a discoloration that you only notice AFTER you shift furniture around.   No matter how hard you have tried, the color UNDER the couch is not the same color as the carpet AROUND the couch.Using real wood destroys the environment.  Laminate looks like fake wood.   I’m thinking that the 1970s heavy shag carpet was invented by people that knew this – respect to interior decorators from the 70s for inventing the stain proof carpet.
8. Time Savers are Anti-Space Savers
   That bread machine makes average bread.  That automated Pasta Express makes mediocre pasta.   That crock pot makes slow cooking a breeze.  A rice cooker.. never gets used.

   You know what else slow cooks well? An oven.
   You know what makes fantastic bread?  Hands and an oven.
   You know what makes fantastic pasta?   Hands and a regular pasta maker.
   You know what makes fantastic rice? A saucepan. 

   Convenience products that automate tasks are just things that get in the way!
   Except toasty machines.  A future post will espouse the virtues of these little cheap plastic machines that want to grow up to be panini machines.  Eating a kind-a-bolognese sauce with cheese in toasted bread?  Simply awesome.

Ultimately, when all is said and done I’m sure I will feel LIBERATED. I’m just not there yet.  The reality is that sometimes change is not something that you HAVE to do but it is something you OUGHT to do.  In the long run reducing will be a positive life change – I feel more nimble, more mobile, and ready for a change.  The biggest change is resisting the temptation to re-accumulate.  Reducing and throwing out is tantamount to take $100 bills and lighting them.  Reducing and throwing out is an investment in your future mobility.  It’s a compromise.  Whether it’s a good compromise is determined solely by the future and as I’m in control of that I will only have one person to blame.

Wish me luck in my more light-weight future.

So these are the random pieces of information people were looking for:

• sbarro new york cheese pizza
• bagel
• fractal broccoli
• rapini définition
• juanny
• greasy pizza
• new york pizza and bagels
• sbarro new york style pizza

All in all I discovered that when you update a blog once every three months that not much of anything is ever found on your blog.  But, I thought I would add some comments to these small search number subjects.

I take pride in the fact that you can come to my blog and find posts on GREASY PIZZA and FRACTAL BROCCOLI.  It shows I offer a diverse set of choices to satisfy all number of palates.  I also take pride in the fact that the people that find my site can spell BROCCOLI!

There are searches for Juanny?! Someone famous is called Juanny?! Wait.. maybe it’s me searching for myself.  Not that I’m vain or anything.   Oh never mind.  I’ll pretend that I have groupies.

Perhaps the most interesting statistic is that this site gets hundreds of visitors a month downloading a BAGEL picture and not stopping to say hello!  I don’t know whether to be happy or mad.  I have loads of backlinks making my site look legitimate to Google, so I guess it’s a good thing?  But couldn’t you just stop and say something ?

The search for sbarro I find surprising.  Really? Sbarro? Are they still even around? Maybe they’re not and that’s why people are searching?

So that list, that’s apparently what people want.  I didn’t realize I had a food blog.  I will focus my future posts on this research and provide posts on various foods.  I may rename the blog:  “THE DIAMETRIC FOOD MENU”.  In all seriousness, I will make a couple of foodie posts for your pleasure and amusement before returning to my normal cynicism… or silence, as it would be more accurately described.

1. Not to Procrastinate

I’m going to write a blog post on making your mind up. Not as serious as it sounds. Or maybe I won’t.

Well.  The time arrived and I decided that I would not .  This good feeling did not last, however, because someone commented that they had expected a blog post on this subject !

So now I am forced to write one, or so I have decided.  Or someone else decided.

But can I remember the inspiration for this subject?

Eurovision

Could the inspiration have been the Eurovision contest? We did, after all, recently travel through an historical tour of the contest in my house.  We took note of the many sad entries: Celine Dion, Abba, and then I brought up the great UK Entry from 1981.  Could this be it ?

Well, as much fun as that video is, it’s not the reason for me wondering about what it takes to make you mind up.  I do wonder what “don’t let your inhibitions take you from behind” means, though.

Could it be that I recently ate some confused fruit and veg?  Probably not, but this though does present an opportunity to educate some of you who don’t experiment too much in the green grocery section of the supermarket.

Rapini

Bill B Brocco

Consider Rapini.  Or is that Rabe? It can’t even decide on its name!  Well because American shoppers love branding and are generally more accepting of cleverly named vegetables, it usually goes by the name broccolini.  When I say “name” I mean it is “called” broccolini: it doesn’t really have a name, unless of course, you give it one (like Bill).

I happen to love Bill for two very simple reasons: firstly it cooks in no time at all, and secondly it tastes like a lot like one of my other favorite vegetables – the mighty spinach but with a floret that soaks up any juice goodness.

Try it out.  Trim the stems and cook it covered semi-submerged in stock with garlic until it goes a little limp.  Simple! Add some Israeli couscous and protein of your choice and you’re quite simple good to go.   It’s a strong, somewhat bitter flavor that sits somewhere between spinach and greens but there is a little sweetness in the stems that goes a long way to offset that flavor.  It is definitely robust in flavor!

Don’t Overcook.  If it is all soft then it is Overcooked. Should have a nice crunch

Fractal Broccoli

Digital Art or Vegetable?

Is it a green cauliflower? Is it romanesco Broccoli?  No! We’re in America, so it’s obviously got that nice brandable name: it’s a broccoflower.  Really this is nothing more than a fractalized cauliflower- if anything it’s slightly milder taste.   Regular cauliflower is good, but broccoflower is simply better because it looks great on a plate when you’re making a post-modern feast.

Cook as regular cauliflower.  You can probably mash it, currify it, cheese it up.  I happen to just like it plain.

Don’t Overcook.  If it is all soft then it is Overcooked.

Nashi Pear

Apple or Pear Shaped

It can’t decide if it’s a apple or a pear.  The marketing department really failed on this one:  apple pear, or, Asian pear.  Despite the branding let down, it’s a wonderful fruit with the flavor of an apple and the color and body of a pear.  Strangely, it is not related to the apple or the pear.   I’d eat them more but at $1.69 a pop they’re not as cheap as apples OR pears but definitely worth trying.

Kentucky’s Finest Fruit

Homer the Hero

This is here to honor the one and only Jeff Carey who was my office mate of times long gone.  He’s out in the country of Kentucky and we’ve often discussed the Simpsons episode where Homer creates the Tomacco – the addictive tomato.  Well, it turns out someone created one.

BUT FINALLY

Mr Charles Christodoulou

Overcompensating

… the real source of the inspiration and thought behind the subject of “Making Your Mind Up” was a commercial for Mr Florida, Mr Tanned, Mr Charles Christodoulou.   Is he Greek? Is he American? Is he Gay? Is he Straight? Is he a Democrat? Is he a Republican? No! He’s a political stray.  More importantly, he wants you to think he is whatever you want him to be.

He is an Independent.

In the great state of partisan politics, there is nothing worse than an Independent: they are automatically flip-floppers.

He’s not a Republican and nor is he a Democrat.  He a Democraplican – which is good way of saying that he’s changed his mind on a number of issues to get votes now that he doesn’t have a party’s house to play in.   He’s been anti-gay and pro-gay.  Right now he’s pro-gay rights which is a good enough reason for me to at least consider him a human and not solely a politician.

I’ve made my mind up to end this blog post here.

What are these facts?

The Florida DMV simply doesn’t care about the rules of the road, the laws of the land, or the simple set of followable instructions that would make everyone’s journey on the various random road-surfaces of Florida safe.  I guess I should punctuate that as random road-surfaces.

How did I come to determine this?  Look at their homepage. They cover habitual offenders, avoiding road-rage (no doubt important here in the land of sunshine and blue-hairs), double traffic fines (because tickets are now big business overtaking safety as a primary concern of the venerable-FHP), SENIOR DRIVER Safety Programs (How about not letting them drive?) What about EVERYONE ELSE’s Safety programs ?   Then of course we cover Sales Tax and paying for your registration.  What else? Oh yes, they also cover Vanity plates.

(Actually this is famously NOT a vanity plate but a real random plate)

Seems they cover ever things about making money but nowhere do they seem to cover anything related to what specifically are the LAWS of the road.

Luckily, after much research I found the laws of Florida driving – and I can now share some of the laws of signage with you!  See if you can match the answer to the sign/light.

Sign 1

A. When the red light is showing you cannot turn right
B. When the red light is showing you might be able to turn right
C. When the red light is showing you can still go left.

Sign 2

A. The center lane is shared and can be used to overtake
B. The center lane can be used to turn left across traffic
C. The center lane is a swerve lane used to avoid accidents

Sign 3

A.  Come to a complete halt before continuing
B.  Come to a rolling stop before continuing if driving a police car
C.  Ohers will STOP for you so move on

Sign 4

A. Yield to the left
B. You have right of way so continue yielding to the right
C. Come to a complete STOP and look confused for a while.  Pull out randomly

Sign 5

A. Watch for pedestrians
B. 10 points!
C. Both A & B

Sign 6

A. Campgrounds are ahead
B. The Seminole Hard Rock Casino isn’t as plush as I remember
C. The Seminole Tee-Pee Casino ahead

Sign 7

A. Stop! We’ve reached the hunting ground
B. Santa lives here in the Winter.  Beware of Prancer.
C. Beware deer because in a collision the dear die but your car doesn’t do much better

Sign 8

A. Speed up – this road doubles as a rollercoaster
B. No Skoal is available here, only the generic brand
C. The DOT has run out of money and didn’t fix this part of the road

Wasn’t that fun?

Juanny.

B, B, A, A, C (ok, it’s A), A, C, A (is the closest answer)

I was listening to the Manic Street Preachers the other day and their song  “if white america told the truth for one day it’s world would fall apart” came on.  As I was listening to the lyrics a few strange thoughts percolated to the fore of my mind.  As you probably don’t know the song unless you’re English (or Welsh) and like politically targeted albums  you may not understand how I get from this song to JFK.

Well, I am here to enlighten you.

The song is a rather politically inspired one – a commentary on the 90′s America – Tipper Gore (who while Al was inventing the Internet spent time getting stickers put on CD boxes warning us about potential damages to our Virgin ears by founding the PMRC), the Brady Bill, Reagan (who has been resurrected by every Republican candidate running for Florida Governor), the Grand Old Party and ends with a reference to Zapruder.  Who is Zapruder?

First I wondered – is that the longest song name ever ?

For your benefit, I have  done some research and I’ve learned that it is not the longest song title ever.  It is not the most words in a title OR the most letters in a title.

The longest to appear in the Top 100 Billboard is in fact:

“Medley: Intro ‘Venus’/Sugar Sugar/No Reply/I’ll Be Back/Drive My Car/Do You Want to Know a Secret/We Can Work It Out/I Should Have Known Better/Nowhere Man/You’re Going to Lose That Girl/Stars on 45″

While longer, it lacks that certain panache, I feel.  I believe it is the longest song name to get to be in the British Top 10.^{[citation needed]} Because I couldn’t verify this fact I labeled it Wikipedia style.

On a final note on this sub-subject I did come across one little piece of trivia….. I know the song title that has charted in both the US and the UK with the longest consecutive streak of a single character… I will include the answer at the end.  Don’t peek.  See if you can get it.

Back to the topic at hand.

Who is Zapruder?  Well Abraham Zapruder was the filmer of a graphic 26-second strip of silent, 8-mm Kodachrome II Safety Film that captured in detail the assassination of John F Kennedy.   It is probably the most viewed 26-seconds of history.

[The scene is actually far more graphic than I expected so if you get queasy easily don't follow the links]

It has been stabilized and broken down frame by frame.  It has been the basis of a much criticized Oliver Stone movie.  It is and will always be the most discussed 26 seconds of history and even then… the discussion focuses strongly on about 4 frames!

One of the things that I find interesting is this idea that anyone alive on the day November 22nd, 1963 is obligated to know where they were when they found out about the assassination- which is odd considering a lot of those same people now can’t remember where their glasses are from hour to hour and can only find the phone because it makes a loud noise.

So will there ever be another JFK?   I’ve thought about this and I’ve decided that the world, the news media, the instant access to information means that it will remain the most significant and important news event for years to come.  I always imagined that the news would have been a slow wave of cascading through societies in a way that it is hard to repeat in today’s instant-fix, instant-media world.

Today it would be the number one trending subject in Twitter.  Peoples internet phones would be lit up.  Every TV displayed in bars, airports, and phone would simulcast the news.  It would be shocking but it the realization would have been instant.

I’m sure that many of you would like to argue the point so I’m going to head you off at the pass and explain some notable deaths with reasons that fail to be the new standard bearer.  Most of these get quite a few results for “Where were you when…” when typed into Bing, Google, or another search engine of your choice.

Actors and Movie Stars

Al Pacino and/or Mel Gibson

Ok.  Al is not dead.  But he did indeed commit career suicide.  No one noticed.

Well….Mel’s career death was more noticeable but how can you say where you were when?  Which DUI/Anti-semitic/Wife crazy moment would you choose?

Britney Murphy – Admit it – you were watching TMZ!

Political Figures

Benazir Bhutto - Most people know nothing about her.  For that reason it was not that memorable.

Saddam Hussein – Strange Iraqi trial followed by a hanging most memorable for being the source of a Frankie Boyle joke.

Margaret Thatcher – Is she dead? I don’t even know.  I don’t think she knows either.  If she doesn’t know, I’m not sure it’s that important – though her legacy is (good or bad).

Ronald Reagan – Replace she with he in the explanation above… except, of course, I do know that he’s dead.  I’ve heard “I’m a Ronald Reagan Republican” at least once a week on the TV for the current Florida Governor race since the electioneering started just over 6 years ago (these election cycle seem to get longer and longer).

John Smith – I remember where I was when he died.  Most people don’t remember him but in many people’s eyes he is the best Prime Minister that England never had.  As a result of his death the Labour party lost a more left leaning traditionalist and ended up winning the General Election under Tony Blair.  His death had profound impact on British politics including the career of Margaret Beckett who was shuffled around by Tony Blair into various positions to appease the left.  But still not that memorable.

Musical Figures

Elvis – He’s not dead.  He’s eating PB&B sandwiched on the moon.

Richey Manic (nee Edwards) – He’s presumed dead.  I’m obligated to include him.

John Lennon – By the time he was shot the Beatles had broken up and Comrade Lennonski was well on his way to destroying his legacy much like Radiohead would do later on in history.  Unfortunately Julian Lennon recorded some songs further ruining the legacy.  Fortunately Paul McCartney continued to record some songs further cementing John’s legacy as the talent.

Kurt Cobain – More a case of when would he do it.  He was in permanent pain at the time of his suicide – though he could have just had Courtney move out.  20 years on and while you still see kids with the Kurt shirt, the Foo-Fighters have done enough ass-shredding to render his death almost meaningless.  There are those who still claim it was a murder cover up.  Oh Courtney – a murder suicide would have been so much better.

Michael Jackson – I was on Twitter  as were a few million others.  He was an accused child molester who changed colors and wore a mask – I don’t get the significance as I don’t even remember the last relevant track he cut.

I heard that when he was dying they called out a priest to Michael Jackson’s house…. the Priest arrived in a flash but was disappointed to learn he was to administer last rites and it wasn’t a double date.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

There were more (it can’t possibly STILL be too soon).

Michael Hutchence -  I liked INXS so I noticed.  I think everyone knows that he died of auto-erotic asphyxiation (allegedly).  The events surrounding Mr Hutchence, Paul Yates and Bob Geldof and Pixie Fairy Dust and Peach Tree Fuzz (I think that’s their names) extended over too long a period to be defined an event.

Sports Figures

Ayrton Senna / Dale 3 -   Both of these were shocking because they occurred during races that were being televised live.   Both were “Hall of Famers”.  Fans of Nascar and fans of Formula 1 will remember the events clearly but that’s basically just a bunch of drunk guys.

Payne Stewart -  Just four months after the knicker wearing Payne won the US Open he died of hypoxia.   It was shocking in its sudden-ness and the world of golf never forgot this even in 1999.

Hank Gathers -  Not a pro-athlete but somewhat famous for dying on the court.  He is also the only reason that anyone knows who Bo Kimble is – and one of the only reasons people know Loyola Marymount has a basketball program.

Movies and TV

Patrick Swayze/Farrah Fawcett – They died.  As much as we want to make something out of it.   It’s what happens.

Heath Ledger – The death of Heath Ledger was significant because it was unexpected.  His career was on the rise (Brokeback Mountain – a movie that American men can’t like, Batman – as the Joker); however, there was no real body of work and he will no doubt be forgotten eventually much like his movies Casanova.  His role as William Thatcher; however, should never be overlooked – it was in this movie that he changed his stars.

Steve Irwin -  The crocodile hunter.   I remember where I was: reading all the funny jokes on Fark.  Apparently rays like to eat Steve on the Barb-ie. (too soon?)

Celebrities and Other

Diana - Probably the only threat to the crown.   No, not that crown, the crown of most memorable death.  The crash that was more famous than the other Princess (Grace Kelly) but shocking because of the way the story developed.  I know exactly where I was when the news broke.

CNN broadcast the events in a progressive order :  first, Diana had been in an accident; then the accident became serious; and finally she had died – physically.  It seems that the story will not die.  Investigation has followed investigation, theory and conspiracies abound.  Al-Fayed has finally laid the story to rest.  Thankyou.

To me, at least, Diana is the new JFK.  Not exactly a goal that she aspired to, I’m sure.

So – who are you significant memories?  Who had a death that was shocking to you?  Steve McNair,  Tupac,  Thomas a Becket, Anne Boleyn, the Genius William Petty?

Let me know

P.S. The answer to the earlier question:  Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm by the Crash Test Dummies.

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… Rank: wait… Traffic: wait… Price: wait… C: wait…

Bored with socmedia. Didn’t get it. Thought I did. Nope. I didn’t. #mefail and just for the hell of it, #attfail too

Undergoing a socmedia REBOOT. My time is only FREE if its supporting MY ideas in MY format in MY manner. Of course #shared and #free to you.

So what does they mean?  Luckily they came from me so I can expand and explain fully the basis for the statements where the 140 character limitation hinders the communication process.  Basically I had a moment where I realized that I have neglected this blog and some other personal items.  It’s that simple. [Interestingly that summation was less than 140 characters and could have been the tweet... and made more sense.]

The whole story is that I’ve been actively posting in other forums sharing ideas, opinions, and thoughts but the time spent there is time NOT spent here.   While I have received some positive feedback from some (in particular a rather touching private message from one of the forum admins) I realized that I’m not getting out of it what I originally needed to get out of it.  At first I was learning more than I could contribute but as time goes on I’ve spent more time posting in a forum that I don’t own, don’t have control over.

I decided this TODAY.

Now coincident to this decision I got a rather funny note from a friend of mine.   She wanted to give me a sunshine award.

A quick search on “the Sunshine Award” didn’t find me the origin of this award but yielded the following:

For “contagious positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging universe.”

I can see why I received this award.  Spreading positivity is what I do – I would go as far as saying that spreading positivity is my raison d‘être.    The healthgreenandfrugal lead in focused on how I would react to the award so here we go…….

Plus, I think it would be oh-so-fun to see this girly, bloggy button on his modern-masculine page. Hmm – will he do it?  Will he pass the award on to others? I guess we’ll soon find out!

Well, I guess you already found out:  yes, I have put this girly, bloggy image on my page.

As silly as it is to receive an award that has no real basis, it is nice to know that someone appreciates me taking time out of my life to try and impart some information, some humour, or just some correct English spelling.   I think what I’ve established since I made those Tweets is that the life blood of social media – of which blogs forms a small part – is not the creator, is not the originator of content, but is, in fact, the consumers.   More importantly it is the consumer who comments, it is the consumer who contributes back, the consumer who gives the original content a purpose. In a sense, the ‘award’ served as one giant comment and it has served its purpose and emotionally blackmailed me into making a new post.  After all.  Now I have people coming from a blog that actually has readers to see what and who I am!

It was a coincidence that the “Award” arrived on the day that I was evaluating the use of my time in sharing ideas and noticed the neglect of this blog.  Hopefully I will spend more time here saying what I want to say to who I want to say it to in a format that I want to say it.

But there’s still the unanswered question of whether I would pass on the award to others.

The simple answer is NO.

You will not see me pass this on award, pay it forward or participate in this generalized reciprocity, this NONSENSE.    And why not? Because I’m me and I promised to be me when I blog.  That’s why.   I have to be rebellious, I have to be cynical, I have to go one better so I will.  I have INTEGRITY!

I am not going to simply pass on an award for which I can’t find the creation and which don’t apply to the blogs I do read… so I’m going to, in the Spirit of OneUpManShip (may he RIP) I’m going to nominate 3 blogs for their own brand new award!

The “Don’t Blame Me if it Rains” Award

I’m going to give this award to “negativity that inspires others in the blogging universe to rethink their happiness”

This goes to T D Jensen’s Blog which you can find under “Sarcaustic Suicide” in my blog roll.  This was my title for his Bemused Embrace of Nihilism – I didn’t use his name because I was too lazy to look it up at the time and preferred my name anyway.  [Ed: isn't it arrogant to rename someone else's blog? Me: Yes. Your point].  Now his blog is properly titled and the category remains.

Anyway – the subjects that he covers are basically the life of a miserable human being who seems to permanently lament the state of his well being while being genuinely surprised that he’s married to someone better than him all while kind of going through mid-life.  Basically.  He makes you feel better about being YOU.  He’s definitely NSFW = but only because you may be influenced by him.

The “Daily Hatred” Award

Megan is a cute personality from Boise.  She writes in an impassioned style with perfect grammar and with a predilection for hating everything.  I think that sums it up.  Recently her “Daily Hatred” has been less than daily and her last post was happy sounding but sooner or later the venom will come spewing.  She’s definitely NSFW.

The “No Compromises” Award

So recently I  visited the used record store.  Yes, you heard me correctly, the used record store. Records – those black things that you play at 33 1/3 rpm or 45 rpm if they’re the smaller ones.  Yes. Those.  What about 78 rpm? Alright, smart mouth, that was before even MY time.  But anyway, as I said, I went to the record store! You didn’t think they still existed did you? But they do, or at least one does.

I’ve shopped at Sound Exchange in Tampa, on and off since 1989 both at its location Livingston and now at its location on the colorful Nebraska Avenue.

Imagine yourself driving down a two lane highway where first you pass the new Spartan Mixed Martial Art gym which is a rather austere building painted a deep black and a bright red.  I’m not sure what goes on inside that building but I’m guessing it’s more Cobra Kai than the Larusso dojo,

For those not ardent fans of the Karate Kid think of this as:

Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it? vs Daniel-San have strong root, like [bonsai] tree

If you continue – resisting the urge to scream “THIS IS SPARTA!!!!” at the poor people that are giving it their all in tank-tops and sweat-pants – you’ll pass by all the parked, or is that abandoned?, lorries (that’s an english word,  excuse me for trying to bring a little culture to this post).

Next Up.

The Feed Depot – remnants of that long lost time when people needed grain and parrots.

Next Up after crossing the busy intersection.

The defunct Night Moves II building on your left – most recently known as a bottle bar, adult club or simply as a swingers location.  Choice is yours.  Strange that even in this day and age we have to pretend that some people want to “do it” with “others”.  It was, I believe, the place better known to my age group as the high school nightclub back in the 90′s called DNA.  I could be wrong.  I was rather uncool back then and didn’t really get into KMFDM at all and barely the DM from that.

Then.

Empty used car lot, private investigators (no relation) and on past…

Skippers Smokehouse!  It’s an icon ladies and gentlemen.  Not that gentlemen go here. Well they do, you see EVERYONE goes to Skipper’s – you’re as likely to see a downtown Tampa Lawyer here as you are a dope smoker…. well maybe not as likely.. but don’t let the ramshackle exterior fool you, it’s WORSE on the inside!  It is a great venue that has great music and one of the last places to see real local bands play real local music to real local people at real local prices.

Then after being sidetracked.

You pass by the go-kart track and finally you get to a rather ugly building and that ugly building is Sound Exchange (their website is about as nice as their building).  What used to be housed in a strip mall location on Livingston is now a living breathing record store in a  standalone building.  This building would be an upgrade if it didn’t look like a giant concrete outhouse for the Goodwill charity shop.  That’s not entirely fair.  It really looks more like a bunker.

All that said,  it’s not an inviting neighborhood – unless you like Bingo because it seems that accounts for nearly all the traffic in the parking lot – which, if I may say, is actually more dangerous than the go-karts next door.

You can travel along it if you wish.  A street view is a little out of date even if the run-downiness isn’t.

BUT WHAT’S MY POINT?

Sound Exchange.  It’s old.  It’s the last Record Store in the North of Tampa and I’ll probably never go back there again.

Why? Other than it’s a record store and  I don’t collect vinyl and I don’t collect VHS videos?

Because all that’s left are CDs, DVDs, and a few copies of Madden 2007 for the PS3.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I went with a list of 20 CDs that I wanted to get with an expectation that they would have maybe 2 of them used.  They had 7 of them used which was not bad considering they weren’t mainstream media but what the old people would call “indie”.  This was actually what I would call a success.  So what’s the problem?  Well.  Only 7 of them used and the average price was in the region of $6-7.   So it’s not a bad price.  The new CDs, however,  were $13.  This is a relatively bad price and leaves me wondering… do I want to travel all the way to this dingy location to save $3 on USED CDs and spend $3 more on NEW CDs? Hardly.

But then it all began to fall apart for me.

It turned out that 2 of the CDs I ended up buying used were already owned in my house.  One was an iTunes download and one a physical CD.  How could I not know? Trust me when I say that if you saw our CD collection you’d understand. So anyway, time to return the CDs.

First I check the receipt:

Return Policy: No Refunds

Seriously? No Refunds? What?

Return Policy: Except for DUPLICATE purchases.

Phew!  So I hop in the car and drive down there with 2 CDs in hand happy to trade them for STORE CREDIT because I know they have one other CD I would get at full over-priced price.

“Sorry. No Refunds”

“B.b.b.b.b.ut you said I could return if it’s a duplicate.”

“Yes.  You have to bring in the duplicate as proof.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a copyright issue.  We…..”  – to make sure I get this right let me copy from their website.

Please understand that entertainment in the form of CDs, DVDs, and records is copyrighted material.  This fact makes music different from most other things that consumers purchase.  Because the enjoyment of these items can be retained by the consumer (by copying), our federal government passed Copyright protection laws that the entertainment industry is obligated to maintain.  This means that copyrighted material can only be returned when it is defective and will be replaced with another copy of the identical item. This legislation helps to insure that the artists, record labels, distributors and retailers are protected.

So. I can’t take it back because of Copyright laws.  Somehow I fail to see how it is different when I (1) RETURN an item I purchased 2 days later (2) SELL  an item I purchased from somewhere else…(3) or purchased from them 2 days before.  Let’s see.

Case 1:  Artist nets $0. Sound Exchange nets $0.

Case 2: Artist nets $0. Sound Exchange nets $Sold – Paid

Case 3: Artist nets $0. Sound Exchange nets $Sold – Paid   + ($Sold – $Paid)

Oh I get it.  What kind of an argument is that – copyright? The ARTIST makes $0 either way? The kind where Sound Exchange makes money.

First-sale doctrine protects their right to sell copyright material.  One rule for them, another for me?  Of course to sell CDs you also have to sell your identification rights – it’s akin to doing something really illicit and evil like buying sudafed and I don’t feel like doing that and I’m sure this has negative impacts on the used record store business.

But it got worse.  One album was an iTunes purchase.  How do I show that as a duplicate? Bring in my laptop? my external hard-drive?

“I’m not sure but the policy is we need to see the duplicate”.

At this point I asked to just sell the CDs back.

“The buyer’s not here.  We need him to tell you how much we’ll give you.”

I left very disappointed.  I told the man at the counter who I know has been there since 1992 – “this policy means I will likely never come back after 20 years of being a customer.”

His response? None  He shrugged and turned away.

Customer service?  It’s better online, I think…

So I send in a request through their site.

“I have the following 2 CDs for sale.  Can you tell me what you would buy them for?”

I got a response:

“You’ll have to go to the store.  It changes.”

I still have the CDs.  I won’t go back to their store.

I do understand that part is principle and that there is a part that is legal but it’s just so absurd.  I’m not sure what will put them out of business first.  Their principles and lack of caring about their customers or the law.  I’m not sure I care – even though 10 years ago the lack of any record stores would have made me feel sick to my stomach.  It says a lot that I can not care because deep down I still miss the old Corn Exchange in Manchester.  Those were real record stores and the nearby Vinyl Exchange was/is the standard bearer for all used record stores.  I’ll never forget seeing Mr Marr’s Smith’s gold record for sale….and only 500 smackers!  And of course just a mere 3 years ago or so buying the entire Fall Peel Sessions for 20.  Bargain to get Mark E Smith in a form good enough for his idolizer the late great John Peel.

I do still like to browse and I can’t do that online, can I? Step up lala.com.  Record store.  You are no longer cheaper.  You aren’t the best browsing store.  You’re officially obsolete to me.  This makes me sad.  But why do I choose to relay this story to you? Because this weekend it is

Record Store Day

That’s right.  An ENTIRE day dedicated to that anachronism, the Record Store.  Not even the CD Store. Yes. The Record Store.

An entire day where I will be doing something ENTIRELY different than going to the record store.

Sound Exchange.  You are the last record store standing.