Please Kill Mr Clause
December 25th, 2014 by JuannyCinco

Typically, this is how the world sees Santa.

Jolly Mr Santa

He’s like a one man NSA tracking who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.  He doesn’t get warrants, he doesn’t care who he collects information on but he has rough guidelines.  Those guidelines would usually be on the front pages of the tabloids – “Man Stalks Young Western Children”.   What else is there that he’s hiding?  Does he have a secret double life?  What does he do the rest of the year?

Does he get SAD (seasonal affective disorder) during the Spring,  Summer and Autumnal months?

Drunk Santa

Maybe it doesn’t matter what he does for 51 weeks of the year.  Maybe he just watches over his slaves elves while they work hard making the endless tablets, phones, toys, in Yiwu.  It turns out that Lapland and the North Pole were both too expensive; what, with their Affordable Reindeer Health Act and minimum wage burden. Santa can’t afford his nice car collection by being on the the “nice list”.

Santa’s Cars

Note: The prior two pictures are unrelated.  Santa with SAD is also a founding member of SADD (Santas Against Drunk Driving).

But it’s not his character that I find fault over.  It’s the combined impact of his marketing strategy utilizing his take on the James Montgomery Flagg “I want You” poster and the pure encouragement of wrong-doing to the most susceptible minds.

I Want You

But what does Santa do?  He’s a Terrible influencer

  • He encourages parents to lie to their children.
    • We all want children to be able to tell the truth, the whole truth and, nothing but the truth.  With Santa, parents expose themselves as frauds and hypocrites.
  • He encourages children to lie to their parents.
    • What do children do if you find out the truth?  They don’t just confront the parents, they initiate an awkward stand-off with the goal of ensuring that the gift gravy train continues.
  • He encourages blackmailing of children by parents.
    • Be good and he’ll give you presents.  Be bad and he’ll give you coal.
  • He encourages and teaches blackmail to children.
    • If I’m good I get presents.  If I’m bad I get nothing.  How about we turn that around?  Give me presents and I’ll be good!
  • He risks children being exposed to humiliation.
    • Will your child be the last to know the full truth about Santa?  Mockery ensues, trust me, I’ve been to schools and children can be little shits  classified on the “naughty” list.

So far Santa seems to be a bad influence but it gets much worse.

Santa Steals Credit From Parent and Distorts Value

Imagine a world where as a young child you are taught that good children get presents from a jolly white man.  Now imagine that you don’t get any presents.   Were you bad?  Were you not on the approved list?  How do you feel about the fact that you simply were not good enough?  Even if you get just a small stocking stuffed with little things; how to feel good thinking that Little Lord Moneybags was lucky or, in fact, better than you because he has a house with multiple chimneys while you had one with none.   The parents of the poor are fighting a losing battle trying to explain why Santa just doesn’t care that much.

As a parent you may save for months to give your children a small gift.  Santa doesn’t like this, he wants the credit.  Your hard work, your efforts undermined by a fat man working one night a year who despite your efforts cannot compete with the others.

Most of all I Hate Santa for one Reason

This is where Santa currently is:


That’s some way far North of my location and yet… my fireplace lies peaceful undisturbed.  Nothing.  WTF?  What am I?  Too old?  Too bad?
Can’t he leave a note at least?

Growing Up- It’s not All That Great


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