Japanese Car Bashing. The New American Pastime.
Feb 3rd, 2010 by JuannyCinco

Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don’t do one.

Woman on plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?

Narrator: You wouldn’t believe.

Woman on plane: Which car company do you work for?

Narrator: A major one.

This excerpt from Chuck Pahlahniuk’s novel “Fight Club” –  and like any good graduate of American High-School  would,  I heartily recommend the movie over the book – sums up the state of modern marketing to the masses.   For many years the mass populace of the US has looked to Japan as excellence in quality and safety.  Detroit languished with its series of poorly made, shoddily duct-taped together cars.   But what do you know?  Retribution is sweet.  Retribution is the great equalizer and the media is embracing the story full on.

Toyota halts sale

Recall Goes Global

Fact:  I hate Toyota because they make boring looking cars.
Fact: I hate Toyota because they make cars lacking in character.

So Why Do I care about this recall ?

I care because the recall says more about the current state of the USA than many-a-news story.  This isn’t about Toyota.  This is about supporting the necessary resurgence of the great American automobile.  This is about the RECOVERY.  U-S-A…..U-S-A… Actually I think it’s a little of the Morrissey “We hate it when our Friends become Successful” syndrome – that is, we hate success even more for our Asian cousins.

Toyota was KING and Toyota was prime to be taken down and the MEDIA STORM is in full effect:

Have you heard about… the new 2010 GTI? It had a recall because ….well, it liked to arbitrarily slip into neutral I’m thinking that’s not safe.
Have you heard about… the Corvette that wishes it was a CONVERTIBLE?
Have you heard about… the GMC Yukon which has a water seal issue that can…well increase the likelihood of a crash
Have you heard about… the GM Pontiac that shares the Toyota issue… who cares, right ? Pontiac is a hospice brand.
Have you heard about….the Honda that could spontaneously combust?
Have you heard about… the F150 failing airbags?

Have you heard about….Firestone tires tread falling off…oh, you remember that? Me too…that kind of went away didn’t it.
Now before you all tell me that LIVES HAVE BEEN LOST and how gross negligence has become pervasive in the Toyota company and their lack of transparency is an unwanted anachronism in the modern world…

Have a guess at how many people have been killed by runaway floor mats or sticky pedals..1? 10? 16? Now, in truth,  I don’t actually have any idea but I’m sure your guess was too high… I had trouble finding any information on it due to the huge

Toyota cover up…

that isn’t.   I wonder, is it is more or less deaths than those caused by defective seat belts or inherent design flaws in SUVs….

Who cares? No-one really cares about FACTS do they?

That’s right, we’ve been entrapped in the MEDIA CIRCUS.  Toyotas build cars just as crappy as the French now – and THAT’S what is important.   I know it’s news because the scale is huge with over 2 million cars… but it’s a lot of hullaballoo over nothing.  Anyone who has EVER bought a new car has had a warranty recall mailing to their house.
What is it that I find most shockingly absurd about the events? It is the Fox news “interviewees”.  These people claim they will never trust Toyota again, that they are disappointed in the standard of quality being sold.  They claim their safety is at risk!

They rhetorically ask“How DARE THEY show frivolous disregard for our safety -damn candy people1!”.

They claim this shock-and-awe at Japanese fallibility and then get into their unchecked-tire-pressure, no-tread-left, unchecked-oil-level,  late-on-a-scheduled-maintenance car and turn into traffic rolling through the stop sign, failing to yield to pedestrians and totally oblivious to the light that flashes to indicate to other drivers that they are turning proving only that  other cars’ horns work!

If we really cared about safety we wouldn’t allow class action lawsuits where the monies are distributed equally between the lawyers and … well their partners with whatever’s left going to split amongst 2 million drivers.

If we really really cared we’d be forced to buy new tires when they were bald, fix lights that are burnt out, and have to replace old worn out mats.  We’d have to have our lights repointed (yeah, how many of you have ever done that?), oil changed, brakes checked regularly…. but we don’t.  We’re safe UNLESS we happen to be in one of these 0-100mph Toyota death traps.

Perhaps I’m ultra cynical.  Maybe this isn’t a move to promote non-Japanese cars. Maybe this isn’t about giving American cars an opportunity to get in the good graces.  Perhaps… just perhaps this ISN’T about the wonderful legal system (<—follow this link it’s eye opening)…. Maybe it is simply a big giant cover up.  If it is, just remember …

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war…  BUY  SWEDISH!

Conspiratorially Sarcastically Yours,


1 I hold nothing against the people of Japan. This derogatory term was meant to illustrate the point.

»  Substance:WordPress   »  Style:Ahren Ahimsa