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Paying for the Police Christmas Bash
Oct 27th, 2009 by JuannyCinco

My local sheriff’s office has decided to set up a little traffic trap down our little 25mph subdivision.   My feelings in this fact are rather mixed and vary considerably across the following sentiments:

  1. Darwin would have invented a strong exoskeleton if we were supposed to survive being hit by cars.
  2. Like Gary Numan, I’m in my car and therefore I’m safe, so why should I slow down?
  3. Great! It’s about time we pulled over those damn speeding school buses.
  4. Stupid cops with nothing better to do than pull everyone over.
  5. I don’t speed in the neighbourhood, I cruise….with the control
  6. Stupid speeders

I’ve heard and participated in many conversations with people and there is one fact that amazes me:  I have yet to talk to anyone who actually speeds on these roads, and moreover, all of the people I speak to are glad that speeders are being given tickets.  I did find out that it’s $150 for a rolling stop so a comparable fine for speeding makes it an expensive exercise in law breaking.  I have also talked to the security guards (yes, I live a tremendously boring suburban American Beauty life where we pay for patrols that I chat to) who have informed me that they have so far caught one speeder doing 60 mph, a school bus doing 47 mph (and they didn’t actually have a stop in the subdivision), and have previously had helicopters take 3 teenagers to hospital and recovered 3 cars from ponds.

All this activity on 25 mph roads near where I walk my dog.

The less shocking thing is that the security guards receive endless complaints from people who have been ticketed.  Let me explain the absurdity of the complaints.  The patrol car is here very regularly. He (it is a he, remember I live a tremendously boring American Beauty life where I talk to people including cops) comes in, parks, pulls over 10-20 cars.  I assume after writing double digits he goes to Dunkin’ Donuts to recover from the hand cramp he no doubt gets.    Anyway, back to facts.  He is here in the morning about 8 a.m.  and he is here in the evening about 5.00 p.m.   ALL people have to do is go 30 mph.  That’s it.  All cars come with cruise control – set it at 30 mph. Done.  Before you say “not all cars have cruise control” let me tell you that I live in a tremendously boring suburban American Beauty environment where most cars are boring, boring Lexus’;  flashy dashy Bentleys; or the ubiquitous BMW.

Once they leave the area and get on bigger roads…pedal to the metal for all I care…just as long as they move over for me :)

So anyway.  I just wanted to tell you how much I hate this stupid American Beauty life where the police have to sit outside pulling over cars all morning because people are too fucking stupid to drive slow enough so that I won’t die if someone were to hit me when I walk twice a day.

Asshats live in my neighborhood.   Mr Rogers would be mortified.

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